how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
