I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
