Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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