I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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