In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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