Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
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the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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