I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
