Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
