she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
