so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
