I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He passed out mid-signature
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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