Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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