he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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