They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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