I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
