shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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