Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
