Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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