summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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