Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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