This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
