The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
