Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
