Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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