First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
