WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
