**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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