Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
