I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize