I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
