I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
