I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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