Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
