I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize