Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
