she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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