I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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