Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
