Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
