I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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