Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
