I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
