She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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