I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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