you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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