my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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