I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i love accidental penises.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
