Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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