i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
