My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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