Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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