he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
