i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
