R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
