Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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