I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
