Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
