well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
