the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
