I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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