Need sex. Gaining weight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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