i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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