no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
