she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
