Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
