3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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