So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
