i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
