If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
