I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
