Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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