its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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