Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
where are my eyebrows?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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